Letters
by fizzmonkeys
Summary: Ginny never expected things to turn out the way they had after Voldemort's defeat. Who knew that Harry would push away? Who knew that he was capable of walking out of her life? Yet still he did, without a single word to her...for five years.
1. Before Me Stands Yesterday

_"**Letters": Chapter One-"Before Me Stands Yesterday"**_

Ginny sat at the same desk, a million times over, with her quill readied over the parchment. She was only a heartbeat away from writing one letter to him, just one word. Something simple, maybe "We all miss you" or "We hope that you are doing well. Ron tells us you are." She lied to herself as she did every day, every time she sat down to write that same bloody letter; the same one that her heart ached to write, "I love you. I need you. Please come home to me." But no, she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't allow herself to be broken from her reserve.

She watched the ink drip from the sharp tip of her quill as it slowly splashed onto the blank parchment, forming a small, slightly splattered dot. She half wondered if this dot would disappear like another had in a past life, but she didn't want to think about that now. Ginny was stronger than that. She wouldn't let this crowd her thoughts of him.

All it would take was one word to release the flow of sentiments that had been etched into her heart as a result of the countless times she'd thought about what to say to him.

One word, that's all she needed. She knew how the letter would start. But writing it was easier said than done.

_Damnit, she thought, why can't I just write it?_

She'd thought about him every second of every day. Worried herself over him far too much, yet she couldn't bear to write something as simple as his name on a piece of parchment.

Ginny closed her eyes and tried to ground herself as she breathed deeply and picked up her quill again.

_You have to do this,_ she thought, _it's only fair._

Fair? Since when was this ever any fair to _her_. He hadn't written to her in five years time, not since before his final battle with Voldemort. The only thing she knew about him now was from what Ron told her.

Still, Ginny didn't understand what had happened. One moment she received a letter from him saying that the situation with Voldemort was getting worse; he thought that it might be the last chance he got to write her before all of this was over.

Harry had kindly thanked her for the letters she'd written him, despite the fact that she couldn't send many. The chances of their letters being intercepted were many and far too risky, so she only wrote him sparingly.

_I miss you too, but I'm glad to hear that you're doing well,_ was how his reply began. _At least you're safe, that's what I'm concerned about,_ he was saying until Ron and Hermione came rushing in, not allowing him to say all the things that he'd wanted to say.

_Ginny…_he wrote quickly. He was scared; she knew he must've been. _I just want you to know…that…I love you. Every day, I've regretted the fact that we had to break things off…but, the way I feel about you…I've never felt this way about anyone else before. I just couldn't let anything happen to you. _

_I'm so grateful that I've found someone that makes me as happy as you do. You make me want to be a better man, to continue on. You're my strength, Ginny. I love you._

Ginny could hardly believe what she'd read after receiving the owl. She'd rubbed her eyes until they were red and dry. _Maybe he's just saying this because he doesn't think he'll make it through the war,_ she'd thought. But, as she read the end again, she saw his name there— _Yours Forever, Harry._

That was the day she had been waiting for, for a very long time. But after all of these years, it had done nothing except confuse her, sending her emotions spinning out of control. Every day, for four years, she read his letter over and over again, constantly reminding herself of what he'd said, of how he'd felt. He loved her once; she'd known that despite his attempts to keep them apart…but now, things had changed. Maybe this was better for him, to stay away, to have a life that didn't always remind him of the past.

------------------------

After the battle, Ron and Hermione had come back to the Burrow, but he wasn't with them. He'd told them that he needed some time alone for a few days and they respected that. But a few days had slowly turned into a few years, with no explanation as to why. It was as if he disappeared from their lives without a single word. Then suddenly, Ron received an Owl from Harry. He apologized for not saying anything before leaving, but it was something that he had to do. He said that he'd taken a job with the Ministry in America and… _honestly, I don't know when…or…if I'll be returning to England,_ he wrote.

_Take care of Hermione, _Harry said to Ron. _…tell her that I'll miss her. Tell your family the same and that I wish all of them the best. I'll keep in touch, but I can't promise it'll be very often. I do need a favor from you, mate. Please don't let anyone other than Hermione read any of the letters that I send. Some of the things that I write to you, I wish to keep private. I know this request seems a little strange, but I have my reasons._

_One more thing before I go. Tell Ginny…tell her…I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry? What the hell did that mean? Was he sorry for leaving, sorry for leaving me, sorry for telling me that he loved me when he didn't mean it?_ Ginny had let these questions run through her mind everyday and though she hated to admit it to everyone around her, the thoughts were torture…and it was slowly killing her inside.

Harry did manage to keep one of his promises. He Owled Ron a few times each year and Ron kept his promise by not sharing the letters with anyone but Hermione, though he always told everyone that Harry sent his best and that he hoped that they were doing well. But what Ron didn't know was that every time he received an Owl from Harry, Ginny would always find a way of reading it. Everyday, while Ron was away at work, she'd sneak into his room, quietly closing the door behind her. Sitting on the floor in front of Ron's trunk, she'd open it up and carefully remove her brother's things until she found the small stack of letters that Harry had sent. There were many times that she'd pour over his letters, with tears streaming down her face. On the same hand, there were times that she was absolutely furious with him; still, she'd never given up on him. She always thought that there'd be a day when he'd finally decide to come back and things would pick up from right where they'd left them…from the time that he told her he loved her.

She laughed at herself; she'd promised once before that she wouldn't stop 'living' just because Harry wasn't a part of her life, but here she had stood, putting her life on hold, again, for him. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him and she had been so afraid that if she moved on, she wouldn't be able to go back, she wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces as easily.

After four years had passed with no sight of Harry, things hadn't changed. He still had his job with the Ministry in America and things seemed to always be going well for him, but Ginny knew better. She had suspicions, on more than one occasion that he was putting on a front for Ron, not wanting to be asked, yet another time, for him to come back home and be with the people that loved him.

But Ginny was in no way prepared for the news that came in Harry's next Owl to Ron. As long as she lived, she would never forget the day that it arrived. She had been helping her mother with some of the chores around the house and as she headed back upstairs to give Ron his clean clothes, she heard him and Hermione having a heated discussion, although it paled in comparison to many of their other rows.

Ginny giggled to herself, thinking that it was just another normal day for the two of them, until she heard Harry's name mentioned. Her body froze, her feet refusing to move from the spot that she was standing in. She stood as quietly as possible as she listened to the rest of the conversation.

"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione said, trying to keep her voice down. "Why did you have to ask him that? So help me, if Harry stops writing now because of your stupidity, I'll never forgive you!"

"He won't stop writing! Harry wouldn't do that," Ron finished quietly.

"Yeah…well, we didn't think he'd actually leave either and look where he is now," she sighed heavily. "Why _did_ you ask him if he was seeing someone?"

Ginny's breath caught in her throat at her friend's question.

"Because," Ron answered hesitantly, "I heard a couple of guys in the office saying that they'd heard he was seeing a few witches that worked in the Ministry with him; several, in fact."

_Seeing someone? He couldn't be…he wouldn't,_ Ginny thought as tears welled up in her eyes.

"You dolt! You don't honestly believe them, do you? After all, he and Ginny-"

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Hermione! That's why I asked Harry if he was seeing anyone…so I could get the answer straight from him." Ginny heard Ron's bed creek as someone sat down. By her guess, she'd say it was her brother, because he was beginning to grow weary as the discussion weighed on him.

"I don't honestly know what happened between Harry and Ginny. After we came back, she seemed so desperate to see him; even before I received his first Owl, she stayed that way. But when he told me to tell her 'I'm sorry'…" Ron groaned at the seriousness of it all. "I don't know what to think…but since then, she's been a basket case without him. Some days she won't stop talking about him, and then there are other days that she doesn't even want to hear his name. You've seen her!"

"Yes, I have…and I don't know what to make of it either. All I can say is, we'll have to wait and find out if he answers you…but, no matter what, I wouldn't mention anything to Ginny. That needs to come from Harry, if he is, in fact, seeing someone," Hermione finished.

He let out a choked sigh, "Believe me, I don't plan on being the one to break my sister's heart…and I'll kill him if he does, best mate or not."

Ginny heard the creek of the bed again as Ron stood up and began to cross the room. She tried to clear her head from the thoughts of everything she'd just heard. She would've knocked on his door to hand him the clothes that she'd brought up, but the thought of seeing her brother's face was enough to make the tears come again. She sniffled lightly as she quietly set his clothes on the floor in front of his door and then ran downstairs to her room as quickly as she could. She couldn't let her family see her like this; she wouldn't.

A few hours later, Ginny sluggishly made her way down to the kitchen to get some pumpkin juice. The house seemed suspiciously quiet…at least it was until she reached the foot of the stairs.

"He can't be!" screeched Hermione. "Let me see that, Ron."

Ginny heard Hermione snatch something from his hands. It sounded like parchment rustling and suddenly her fears came flooding back to her mind. _Please…please no, _she begged in thought.

"I've already told you what it said," Ron huffed.

"I know! But, I want to see it for myself," came her friend's voice. "_In answer to your question…yes, I have been dating a few women. I'm seeing one, in particular, at the moment. We've been casually going out for a month now. I don't think it's anything serious, but I do enjoy her company."_ Hermione stopped reading the letter and slammed it onto the table. "How _dare_ he do this to her!"

"I'm certainly not happy about it either, but we can't let on to Ginny that we know anything, do you understand? He said he'd write to her and try to clear things up between the two of them."

_He didn't leave because he needed to…he left me_, Ginny thought as her pale skin became tear-stained. Her heart felt as if it was pounding in her ears and her chest was so tight that she couldn't breathe. Their voices were muffled in the distance as her gaze became hazy and unclear. She wasn't supposed to cry…she told herself that she wouldn't; she'd cried enough over the past four years. No matter what she'd promised herself, it didn't stop the tears from falling.

"I don't plan on saying anything until Harry-" Hermione was saying as she and Ron rounded the corner of the kitchen and saw Ginny frozen on the stairwell. "Oh Merlin!" she gasped before covering her mouth.

"Shite…" Ron cursed under his breath. "Ginny?"

She looked up at both of them, barely being able to see their faces. "I wa-…" she tried to speak as her chest began to heave through her ragged breaths. Ginny bit her lip as Ron's face became clearer and she could see that pitiful look there. It was one that was always meant to be sympathetic but never was, seemingly breaking her heart even more.

_Damn these cursed tears. They never stop,_ she thought as she began to sob uncontrollably.

"Ginny, dear?" came her mother's voice from the kitchen. "Is that you? Is something the matter?"

She looked to Ron as if she had been betrayed until he realized what she was thinking.

"They haven't been here," he whispered. "We haven't told them anything."

Ginny shut her eyes tightly and barely spoke with a broken voice, "I can't do this."

"Come on," Hermione breathed as she rushed Ginny upstairs to her room.

The last thing she remembered hearing was Ron acting as if he'd seen a spider and had been the one they'd heard crying. She could hardly think about anything after what she'd just heard, but she would never forget what her brother did for her, no matter how insignificant the moment was.

---------------------------

Ginny sighed sadly as she wiped the back of her hand against her cheek, attempting to chase away the tears that she'd shed at the thought of the old memories. Everything was still so fresh in her mind. It was almost hard to believe that it had all happened only a year ago. But, she'd pushed the thoughts of Harry away after that night and never looked back.

Finding out Harry had been seeing someone else was hard enough, but never hearing it come directly from him was what made it hurt even more. But the killing blow was that he'd promised Ron that he would send an owl to Ginny explaining things to her…yet even after a year, she still hadn't received a single letter from him. She often wondered where things had suddenly gone wrong. They had been so much closer than that; why would he avoid talking to her about what he had been going through? Why had he avoided talking to her about everything?

As much as she blamed Harry for being the one who left, for giving up on what they had and seeing other witches, she was to blame for giving up hope. Ginny knew that even though he hadn't been fair under the circumstances, at least she could be the bigger person and actually tell him that she was seeing someone else.

Her brothers, especially Fred and George, had a tendency to try and keep her mind preoccupied with other things. Every free moment she had suddenly wasn't free anymore when the two of them were around. Usually, they'd take her to Quidditch matches or they'd ask her to fill in at the shop whenever someone couldn't make it in for their shift. It was more than a month before she started to gain some strength and confidence in herself and admittedly, Fred and George had a big part in helping her heal.

When it came time for the Quidditch World Cup, her brothers jumped at the chance to take her and Angelina along with them. Of course, Ginny was never one to turn down the opportunity to see a Quidditch match, especially the most important one of the season. That was the day that she ran into Eric.

Eric Summerby had played Seeker for Hufflepuff during their days at Hogwarts and had been three years since she'd last seen him. Ginny honestly didn't think much of their brief meeting. They had a few good laughs, to her surprise, recalling a game in her fourth year when she played Seeker against him. And before she knew it, he was asking if she would join him for dinner the next night. Who knew that when she'd finally decided to take a step forward and say yes that she'd still be with him after all these months?

Eric was something different, something new. He was kind, gentle and charming even…but he wasn't Harry.

A pang of guilt tore at her heart as she focused on the blank parchment again. _Damnit! Why should I feel so guilty?_ Ginny huffed, determined to officially bring things to an end once and for all.

Dipping her quill into the ink, she wrote, _Harry…_ The scratching of the quill's tip was sharp and heavy with every stroke across the parchment. _It's been five years since,_ she continued until a tapping on the nearest window distracted her.

Giving a frustrated sigh, she laid down her quill and walked toward the window, opening it for a tiny owl. As it hopped inside, Ginny reached down to untie the letter from its leg and then gave it a small treat before sending it on its way again.

Looking down, she saw Ron's name scribbled on the outside and without even thinking, she immediately recognized the handwriting. There was none like his and it was quite hard to mistake, Ginny thought as she walked up the stairs to Ron's room.

In the past, she would've been anxious to find out what he'd written, but gone were the days that she waited for him. _It doesn't matter anymore_, she told herself as she knocked lightly on Ron's door.

"Come in," her brother's voice called. He turned his gaze toward her as she opened the door, thinking that she seemed rather quiet today. "You all right Sis? Everything okay?"

Ginny gave him a small smile and extended her arm, showing him the letter. "You received an Owl a minute ago…just thought you'd want it."

"Thanks Gin…I wonder who it's from? I'm not expecting anything," Ron inquired.

As he gently took the letter from her, her eyes softened on his face and said, "It's…from him."

Ron's head jerked up from staring at the unopened letter, "Oh. I- well…er…"

"It's okay, Ron. He's moved on and so have I," she shrugged lightly. Wanting desperately to change the subject, she said the first thing that came to her mind. "When is Hermione coming by?"

He seemed to be a bit flustered and stumbled over his words, "Er…she…erm…should be here…s-soon."

"Good. I haven't seen her since last week. It'll be good to visit with her." Ginny smiled again and opened the door but stopped as she heard his voice.

"Are you not going out today?"

"No," came her quiet response. "I've got plans tomorrow night…for now, I just feel like resting. A Pepperup Potion can only do so much after being ill, you know."

Ron nodded and watched as his sister left the room as quietly as she'd entered. He did worry about her, sometimes more these days than he ever had before, but he knew he had no reason to; at least, no _clear_ reason to worry so.

--------------------------

"I'm not giving it to her," Ron said, clenching his jaw tight. "She's finally been able to have a life of her own. I'm not going to let this mess it up for her."

"Ronald Bilius Weasley! You'd better give that to her! Whatever it says, she needs to read it," Hermione bit back.

"You heard what he wrote to me. My guess is that her letter says something of the same. Don't get me wrong, I love Harry like a brother, he's my best mate, but I will not let him come in here and destroy everything that she's built up over the last year. She's finally getting her life back on track."

"Well, you shouldn't make the decision for her. Give it to her and let her decide if she wants to read it or not."

He gritted his teeth, stubbornly giving in, "Fine. But, I'm not giving it to her until the morning, before we leave for Diagon Alley. She doesn't need both of us harping on her. Agreed?"

Hermione waved her hand absentmindedly as she turned to leave his room, "Fine…agreed."

---------------------------

"Hey Ginny, we're about to head off to Diagon Alley. Are you sure you don't want to come with us? You won't get lonely being here all by yourself?" Hermione asked, wrapping the cloak around her.

"I'm sure. The peace and quiet will be nice. Besides, I have a bit of cleaning up to do around here and then Eric and I have plans for tonight," Ginny answered.

"Erm…Gin, before we go…er, y-you know that yesterday I got an Owl from…Harry," Ron spoke unsurely and she nodded in acknowledgement.

"Well, he…erm…sent this," Ron handed a letter to her, "to you."

"You don't have to read it…that is unless you want to," Hermione said as she placed her hands firmly on Ginny's shoulders.

Giving a nod, she looked at both of them, "Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn't easy to do," she finished, looking at her brother.

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Gin," he said sincerely.

"I know," said Ginny, letting a kind smile pull at the corner of her mouth. "Now go on, have a good time in Diagon Alley…I know you're just itching to buy me something nice."

Ron chuckled at her and stepped into the Floo after Hermione disappeared, following in suit.

Now alone in the house with nothing standing between her and his letter, she closed her eyes to steady herself before sitting down at the wooden table and picking up the folded parchment.

She stared at her name, as if she was imagining it being there in some dream; none of it seemed real to her until she picked it up, unfolded it and began to read…_Dearest Ginny…_

--------------------------------

Ron's bedroom door flung open harshly, hitting the nearest wall as she stormed in, heading straight for her brother's trunk. Ginny began tossing his things about until she found what she'd come for— Harry's letters.

Yanking all of them up, she sat back on the floor, scattering the letters around her and searching through to find his last letter to Ron. She began to read it until her breath caught in her throat.

_I'm coming back to London…I hope it's all right if I stop by The Burrow to see everyone._ Ginny blinked a few times. She had to be imagining all of this— Ron's letter, her letter— it was all just a dream. She closed her eyes tightly, wishing it away but when her eyes opened, the two letters were still lying in her lap.

Cursing under her breath, she kept reading…_I'm not just coming for a visit, Ron. I'm coming back…for good. I've got a new job at the Ministry and I'll probably go back to Grimmauld Place until I get a flat of my own._

_I know you're wondering why I included a letter for Ginny. I felt rather uneasy about sending it directly to her, so I thought I'd ask if you would give it to her for me._

_Yeah…I bet you felt uneasy, you lousy git,_ she thought. He had some nerve, thinking that he could send her a letter saying that he was sorry for his lack of communication these last five years; writing how he hoped that she was doing well…and that _line_. How dare he use that line…_I've made some terrible mistakes and I'm ashamed of how I've acted…but I sincerely hope that one day…you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. _

As far as Ginny was concerned, he deserved no forgiveness. He told her he loved her…and in so much as taking no action, he snatched it away from her. He left his home and her, moving on to something different…obviously something better. Now, he sends her a letter after five years, expecting her to forgive him, _probably to ease his conscience before he can marry some witch that he's undoubtedly been shagging_, Ginny guessed.

All of her emotions were at their boiling point now. She was so angry with him that she just felt like screaming until there was no more rage within her.

"I hate you," she said, more to herself, as she looked around at his letters. "I hate you," she said again through clenched teeth. This time, however, her rage and anger were turning into tears as she desperately tried to fight them.

Her chest heaved and she suddenly found her control slipping, "I hate you. I hate you…I HATE YOU!" Ginny screamed out, sobbing continuously as she began ripping through Harry's letters, shredding every one that he had Owled over the last five years. "_I HATE YOU!_"

Ginny's hands were shaking as she brought them to her face in attempts to hide herself from the world, fearful that someone would see her weakness.

She sat there crying for heaven's knew how long until she hated herself for crying so. Just as soon as the tears had started, Ginny quickly dried them and pushed herself off the floor with unsteady hands, stumbling a bit until she could gain her balance.

She stood up, catching her breath. _I'm tired of feeling like this, _she thought as she furiously walked down the stairs towards the kitchen. She rummaged around the cabinets until she found Ron's hidden bottle of Ogden's Firewhisky.

Pulling out a small glass, she sloppily filled it up as thoughts of Harry's hands caressing her face, his fingers gently touching her lips began to cloud her mind. "Why can't I just forget about…everything?" Ginny whispered.

She tossed her drink back and nearly choked on it as she felt the strong, burning sensation flow down her throat. She stuck her tongue out and shook her head in disgust, yet she grabbed the bottle of Firewhisky again and poured another glass.

Ginny gradually lifted the glass to her mouth when a voice stopped her.

"I don't quite think that's going to make you forget everything," a man said from behind her.

She stopped the glass in mid-air, just before it neared her lips. _Oh God, no. Please, no,_ she thought as she turned around at an agonizingly slow rate, until her gaze fell upon his form. There he stood; broad shouldered and strong with that same tousled, raven hair and glasses. Time had definitely treated him well, yet he was still the same familiar boy that she had always known.

"Hi Gin," he said, his voice rough in his own ears.

As if her mind was finally catching up with what her eyes were seeing, Ginny gasped, letting the glass of Firewhisky slip from her hand and shatter to pieces.

"Merlin, I'm so sorry, Ginny. I didn't mean to frighten you," Harry said as he stepped closer to her with an outstretched hand. Her eyes widened as she watched him walk towards her and she immediately dropped to her knees, gathering up the broken pieces of glass.

"Here," he pulled out his wand, "let me get that for you." With a flick of the wrist, the tiny glass was like new again. "Sorry I couldn't salvage the Firewhisky. It's a bloody shame."

Ginny picked up the small glass and stood up, letting her slightly glazed-over eyes drift up to meet his. "Er…thanks," she whispered.

"Are you all right? I'm sorry that I startled you. I'm such a bloody stupid twat."

"You didn't startle me," she said, realizing that her voice had more strength than she'd trusted. "It was just a bit of a shock, seeing you here and all."

"Oh," he frowned. "Still, sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Harry."

"Er…right, sorry. Oh! Right." _This isn't going quite as well as I'd hoped it would_, he thought, quickly changing the subject. "How- how are you, Gin? How've you been?"

Ginny flinched at the use of his old nickname for her. It angered her even more. _How dare he think that he can come in here and just pick things up from where we left them?_

"What are you doing here?" her jaw was clenched as the question fell from her lips.

Harry raised his brow at the harshness of her query. The air about them was far too serious for such a reunion, and he desperately tried to shift the mood.

"It's good to see you too, Ginny," he said with a smile. "Me? Oh I'm doing just fine. Fine, indeed. And you?"

"Don't play games with me," she continued with a fixed look on him. "I said what are you doing here?"

"I'm so-," he stopped, remembering that she insisted that he stop apologizing. "I regret not having told you, in your letter, that I was coming back. You did receive your letter, yes?"

Ginny let her gaze drift away from him, fixing her stare on a gnome that was running around in the garden. "Yes, Ron gave it to me this morning…the Owl came yesterday, though."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure that he didn't have time to inform you all that I would be coming back."

"No," she answered truthfully. "He didn't mention anything to me." Although her vision wasn't clearly focused on anything, her eyes drifted back to his tall figure. "Are you sure he was expecting to see you today? He and Hermione went out to do a little shopping in Diagon Alley."

"No…I suppose that he wasn't expecting to see me today. Actually, things took less time at the Ministry than I expected. I didn't think I'd be arriving for another day or two." Harry smiled, realizing that they were beginning to have a nice, civilized conversation. "So," he continued as he watched her put the cork back in the bottle of Ogden's Firewhisky. "I take it that you're more than just a social drinker, then?"

"Honestly," Ginny kept her back to him, "I've only taken it up quite recently."

"It's a bit strong for you, isn't it?"

She whipped around. "Excuse me?"

Harry nodded to the bottle that she was now hiding away. "Ogden's; I just thought that it would be quite a strong drink for just recently taking it up."

"Quite frankly, Harry," said the young, ginger-haired witch with a stern look, "I could care less about what you think. And do NOT presume to know what I like and do not like. Things change in five years time…I've changed."

"Yeah…" Harry sighed regretfully. "I can see that."

Ginny watched him as his eyes swept over her, finally meeting her fierce gaze again. She opened her mouth, ready to give him a good piece of her mind when three light pops suddenly broke the silence in the room, followed by her brother's cheerful voice.

"Look who we ran into in Diagon Alley, Eri—WHOA!" Ron said, clapping the back of a third young man who was now in the room, but stopped upon seeing his best mate standing there talking to his sister. "Harry?"

"HARRY!" yelped Hermione as she ran forward, engulfing him in a smothering hug.

"Umph! It's good to see you too," Harry choked out.

"We didn't expect to see you for at least a couple of days…but, I sure am glad that you're here now," Ron said with a smile as he walked over and hugged his childhood friend. "When did you get in?"

Ginny only barely heard Harry say that he hadn't been here long when someone walked up to her, wrapping a strong arm around her waist.

"I've missed you," said a gentle, relaxing voice as he placed a sweet kiss upon her cheek.

She closed her eyes briefly and smiled sadly to herself, "I've missed you too," she said. "You've been gone for far too long."

"Mmm…" the young wizard agreed with her as he brought her hand to his lips, placing tiny kisses on it. "But, I'm back now."

Ginny's eyes glanced up catching Harry watching the two of them. She suddenly got a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach but quickly pushed it aside.

"Good," she replied to the young man as she gave a slight smile.


	2. No Starting Over

"**Letters"**

**Chapter Two: No Starting Over**

**Later that same night**

"You never told me that," Eric laughed.

"Well, it's not something that I pride myself on," Ginny said with a painfully embarrassed look about her.

"I don't quite think that you were as embarrassed as Harry was," Ron chuckled heartily.

"Ron," Harry said quietly as he shook his head, trying to stop him.

Ginny swallowed her bite of treacle tart drowning out the laughs from her brother and her boyfriend. Hermione caught her friend's attempt to avoid the humiliating memory and quickly spoke up.

"_Ron!_ What time are we meeting everyone?"

"In about fifteen minutes," he answered. "Why?"

"Well…shouldn't we be getting ready?"

"Hermione," Ron said frowning, "it takes us five seconds to get there-"

"You two are coming aren't you?" she turned to ask Ginny and Eric, cutting Ron short. Ginny's brow furrowed as she looked up at Hermione.

"Oh…er, well- we actually already have plans for the evening."

"What!" Ron shouted. "Oh, come on! You two can do whatever you were going to do some other night."

"If they already have plans, it's okay," Harry interjected.

"Bloody hell it's not okay. Stuff the plans." Ron wasn't about to let his sister skip out on this. "Besides, this is a good chance to get together with the old gang. We hardly ever get to do that anymore. And you know that you'll regret it if you don't go."

"Honey, we can do what we'd planned some other time. Moreover, it's Harry's welcome home party," Eric was trying to coax her into going. "Ron's right, you will regret it if you don't go."

Ginny felt the heavy weight fall on her chest as she gave in. "Fine," she said putting on her best fake smile. "We'll be there."

"Terrific," Hermione grinned excitedly. "How about we go on to The Leaky Cauldron and see if we can't sway Tom into giving us a proper treat for Harry's welcome back? Eric, why don't you come with us? Let's give these two a chance to catch up for a few more minutes," she said, nodding to Ron and Harry as she pulled Ginny up from her chair.

"Sure, Hermione," Eric said, waving back to the two men at the table. "See you guys in a few."

A moment later, all three of them were gone, leaving Harry and Ron to talk.

"Who's this Eric, fellow?" Harry asked immediately, catching Ron slightly off guard.

"Oh, I guess we didn't really properly introduce the two of you, did we? That's Eric Summerby…you remember? He was the Seeker for Hufflepuff after Cedric was…killed."

Harry sucked in a sharp breath as realization set in on him. "Oh. Yeah…I remember." His brow furrowed in question.

"What's on your mind, mate?" Ron asked, noticing Harry's quizzical state.

"How long have they been dating?"

"Oh…I'd say almost a year now."

Harry thought that it was a little strange that Ginny would wait so long after her last year at Hogwarts to begin dating a fellow student.

"How'd they end up getting together after such a long time out of Hogwarts?" Harry asked, trying to appear nonchalant.

"I think they actually bumped into each other at the World Cup last year. She went with Fred, Angelina and George. She said something about he was there to see the game with some of his old mates from Hufflepuff." Ron finally stopped and gave his friend a seemingly knowing look. "Why do you seem so interested in them, mate?"

"Oh…no reason. Just curious," he answered. "It's just that…three years is a while. Did she date anyone before him?"

Ron didn't really like where this was going. Admittedly, he'd prefer that Harry was the one that his sister would finally settle down with but, his best mate had left her under harsh circumstances. How could he expect to make things right with her after leaving the way he did?

"Look Harry, I understand that you might still have feelings for Ginny, but I will not let her be just another notch on your belt," he said seriously.

"No, Ron…you've got it all wrong. I'd never-"

"Because, I know you see plenty of other women…but she's more than just some fling. Besides," he continued despite Harry's protests, "Ginny's got a good thing going with Eric. It took her a long time before she finally moved on with her life and I want her to keep the happiness that she finally has."

Harry hung his head, feeling his friend's eyes on him. "All I want is for her to be happy too," he spoke softly.

"Good, at least we agree on that." Ron glanced over at the clock on the wall. "We'd better be going. Looks like the guest of honor will be fashionably late. Ah, well…like it really matters."

--------------------------

Harry didn't really realize just how much he'd missed his old mates until that evening. He'd forgotten about all of the good times that he used to have with Dean, Seamus, Neville and Ron, when it was just the five of them in their dormitory.

However, in the midst of the laughter with his friends, Fred and George included, it all had seemed to fade in and out over the course of the evening as his eyes followed Ginny each time she moved around the room.

_You've got to stop this, man. She's with him now,_ he thought.

_But, I just can't believe that she's actually given up hope on me_, his mind countered.

_You left her for five years…and told Ron that you saw other women. You can't honestly expect her to have held herself back just for you, especially when you never wrote to her._

Harry knew that his chances of renewing things with Ginny would be difficult, but for some reason, he never considered the possibility that she would have met someone else…and moved on.

"Yeah, I'll never forget that," Fred laughed heartily, cutting through his thoughts.

"Merlin, we had such a great time giving Umbridge pure hell. Remember those times, Harry?" George asked, forcing Harry to pay attention to someone else other than Ginny.

He looked at George, slightly dazed, "Yeah mate. Who can ever forget her face when you two flew out of the school yelling at Peeves to 'give her hell'." Harry chuckled lightly as he looked at his friends. He really had missed this.

Seamus started talking about some incident that happened at a pub a few weeks ago that he and a bloke that he worked with witnessed and Harry found himself drifting out of the conversation again.

His eyes scanned the room for Ginny's small frame and fiery red hair but he didn't see her anywhere. _Bugger, I lost her again_, he thought.

"Excuse me, mates," Harry interrupted Seamus's story. "I'm going to mingle around a bit." He absentmindedly heard the guys mutter their 'see you in a bit' when he had already begun searching for her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of her as she descended the stairs slowly. _I have to talk to her,_ he thought as his mind continued to try and win the argument.

"Ginny!" he called out, startling her as she grabbed the stair rail to catch her balance.

"Merlin, Harry! Must you keep doing that?" she asked slightly annoyed.

"Sorry. Er…listen, I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes…over here maybe?" Harry said pointing to a nearby table that was empty.

"Erm…actually, I was just going back to join Eric," she fidgeted. Truth was, she didn't trust being alone with him. Ginny didn't know if she couldn't trust Harry or if she just couldn't trust herself, but either way wasn't going to work.

He looked back at Eric with silent jealousy and noticed him drifting in to talk with Fred and George, where Harry had been merely a minute ago.

"Well…," he said turning back to Ginny, "it looks like he'll be caught up in conversation for a little while. Shall we?" Harry pointed back to the table as he started to walk over and pull out a chair for her, however, she didn't move from the step that she was on.

"What do you want Harry?" she asked with a slightly harsh tone. He looked back to see that she hadn't followed him and sighed as he walked back toward her.

_Fine…we'll do this her way then, _he thought. "Erm…well…I know that we haven't had much of a chance to catch up yet…but, er…there's something else that's a bit more pressing right now."

"And that would be?" she said, pushing her nervousness away.

"I- …Ginny, I just wanted to apologize, I mean _really_ apologize, for the way that I've been these last five years. I know that you're angry with me and I can certainly understand why…" Harry's voice trailed off as she stood there without saying a word to him.

_If he wants to apologize, that's fine,_ Ginny thought._ But if he thinks that he's just going to pop right back into my life…he's got another thing coming._

He watched her fold her arms across her chest and braced himself for a rough road ahead.

"I know that there's nothing I can do or say that will make up for the things that I've done…but I was hoping that there was some way that we could put these things behind us and just move on with our lives. Do you think that there might be any chance that you'd be able to forgive me?" Harry stood there silently and waited for her reaction with a questioning but hopeful expression on his face.

She laughed to herself, throwing him off a bit. He definitely hadn't expected her to laugh about this.

"That's very amusing, Harry."

He was puzzled now. "I'm sorry, I don't quite follow. What's so funny?"

"You see…none of this really matters now, does it…because you've already put the past behind you and moved on. Obviously, this little 'kind' gesture of yours is just a way to help _soothe_ your guilty conscience," Ginny huffed. "Well, I'm sorry that I can't help you there because…I've moved on with my life as well. But as far as forgiveness, I don't quite know that I can give you that."

She began to try to push her way past him, but he put out his arm, blocking her way down the remaining steps. Harry was hurt by her remark, but more upset at the way she was acting.

It was his turn, now, to behave like a jealous child. "Yeah, I can see that you've moved on. Eric…he's quite a nice bloke, if you like that shallow sort."

"You've been gone for five years and you feel that you can pass judgment on him after knowing him for five hours?" Ginny glared at him angrily. He'd hit far below the belt and now she was ready to come out fighting. "I'll have you know," she said spitefully, "that Eric is not shallow. He's actually very kind, sweet, gentle, loyal-"

"…playful, easy-going…yes, all characteristics of a dog," Harry snipped smartly.

She was beyond angry with him now. He'd pushed far too many wrong buttons. Even he knew he'd gone too far with that last comment, but once he got started, it was really hard to hold his envy back.

_So this is the game that we're playing then…_she thought. "At least when he said that he loved me, he didn't run away from me for years without so much as a single word."

_I didn't run away from you,_ Harry thought regrettably as he dropped his head. He swallowed the lump that suddenly rose in his throat. _This can't be possible…he can't…_

"He can't love you…" he began to say, looking into the empty space next to her. Ginny's burning gaze was too much for him to bear but somehow he brought his eyes back to meet hers.

"What?" she scoffed at him. "And, why exactly is it that he _can't_ love me, Harry? Please, tell me. Do I not have the capability of being loved by someone else?" Her eyes were glistening with tears but she refused to let a single drop fall. She hated this more than he knew. _How has it come to us having a row?_

Harry's stuttering became prominent as he tried to continue on. "He can't love you…the way," he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. _Don't do it; she'll never forgive you, _his mind called out.

_But, I have to let her know how I really feel, _his heart countered and his eyes snapped open.

"He can't love you the way that I love you, Gin."

"Don't," her voice quivered. His gaze stayed on hers, refusing to show the heartbreak that he was beginning to feel. "I'm not your Gin anymore…" she said with a disappointed look in her eyes. This time, he couldn't stop the hurt from shining through. "Harry, things haven't been the same between us in a very long time. What makes you think that I would still feel the same way?"

"I _know_ that it hasn't been the same. But I had hoped that…maybe…" his voice trailed off, full of regret.

"You thought I'd _wait_ for you?" Ginny asked, finding his assumption unsurprising.

"No…I…" Harry stuttered.

"Don't act like you didn't think that. I knew you more than you ever understood."

"_Knew_ me?"

"I'm not starting this here, Harry," she said as she pushed her way around him until he turned to stop her again.

"Gin…Ginny," he corrected himself. "I know that I've made a mess of things between us…and I'm sorry for behaving the way that I did. I have no right to ask to have you back, but I'm doing it anyway. Please…be _my Gin_ again."

"You're damn right. You don't have _any_ right to ask to have me back in your life," she bit back. "How dare you even ask me that! For five years, I never heard a word from you! I got one letter before you defeated Voldemort and after that …I thought that you would have come back to me. Instead, you ran away…ran to another place that wasn't London, ran to another life that wasn't yours, ran to another woman…that wasn't me."

Harry tried to speak, to even form some sort of coherent thought, but his body was frozen by her words.

"I knew even though you didn't want me to. Ron didn't know that I read the letters that you sent to him," Ginny said as she saw Harry glance in Ron's direction. "He tried to keep your new life hidden from me, only ever saying that you'd taken a new job away from England."

She smiled sorrowfully, tears still beaming in her eyes. "I did wait for you. For four years, I waited for you…until I overheard Ron telling Hermione that people were talking about you dating certain…women. And then your letter came telling Ron that you had been dating around. Of course, he didn't dare mention it to me…but I knew."

"Ginny…please," he was at a loss for words, "let…let me explain."

"I think you explained enough in your letters, Harry. So, let me explain something to you now. Eric and I are…together. We have been for almost a year. I have him and you have…your _women_ friends to keep you company."

"You can't tell me that you love him." Harry's accusation escaped before he could stop himself.

"I most certainly do," she said as he saw the anger flash in her eyes.

"Say it then; tell me that you love him...tell me that you don't still need me." He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he sucked in each painful breath.

The heat from her gaze was becoming unbearable but the hurt that was shining through her deep brown eyes matched the darkness that filled his once emerald depths. Harry felt as if his heart was being wrenched out every second that he looked at her. _How can I do this to her?_

She drew a deep breath willing her voice not to break, "I- I love him."

"But you can't tell me that you don't need me…that you don't still want me," he said. "…that you don't still love me…"

Her chest was heaving with each heavy breath and Ginny felt as though she was beginning to lose her control. She couldn't say it; how could she possibly tell him that?

"Please," he begged, holding himself back from reaching out to caress her cheek. "Tell me that you still need me. Tell me that you still love me."

She looked away before saying anything, finding Eric across the room talking with her brothers. He waved at her, mouthing 'I love you' and she smiled back, having to force the very expression.

Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she slowly opened them as her vision turned to focus on Harry again. This time, nothing held back the tears that she finally shed.

"I don't," Ginny whispered. "You loved me once, as I loved you…but it wasn't enough, was it? _I_ wasn't enough…" She reached out and took his hand one last time, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You have to let me go…just let me go on…"

Before Harry could even fully comprehend what she'd just said, the touch of her warm skin against his was gone again. She was gone. He watched her cross the room, interrupting Hermione's conversation with Neville as Ginny whispered something into her friend's ear.

Harry cursed under his breath. She was going to tell Hermione what had just happened and he knew that if she found out, he'd never hear the end of it. But instead of getting the upset stare from across the room, Hermione smiled and laughed just before she and Ginny both turned back to Neville, resuming their chat.

"Are you all right mate?" Ron asked as he walked over toward Harry.

"Wha- er…yeah. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" he asked with his eyes still fixed on Ginny.

"…Because ever since you arrived this morning, you've been acting strange."

"What do you mean I've been acting strange? I've been perfectly fine," Harry said unconvincingly.

"Yeah, you said that already." Ron watched him a little longer in silence. Harry didn't seem to notice that they weren't talking any longer, allowing Ron to observe him closer.

Ron found his friend's gaze attached to the sight of his sister. Every move she made, his eyes stayed on her. Ron only noticed a change when they both saw Eric walk over to where Ginny was standing. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. Harry nearly turned green with envy when she smiled as he leaned in to whisper something in her ear before dragging her away to a secluded corner.

"Harry?" Ron asked. Harry did nothing but incline his head slightly. "This has got something to do with Ginny, doesn't it?"

"I didn't say anything about Ginny. Who said I did?" he answered nervously, turning to look at the ginger-haired young man next to him.

"No one had to say anything, mate. All they've got to do is look at you. I mean, really…" Ron said pointing to him, "…just look at yourself. You're anxious and fumbling all over the place…not to mention the fact that if looks could kill, Eric would already be cursed."

"Ron?" Harry asked, hearing him make a small sound in response. "Did you say anything to Ginny about me dating other people?" Ron's brow furrowed, carefully thinking before answering his friend's question.

"No…not directly. Actually, I wasn't going to say anything about it unless it came up…but I reckon it has now," Ron said, biting the inside of his cheek out of nervous habit. "I'm sorry, mate. I didn't mean for her to find out. Matter of fact, I had absolutely no intentions of her ever knowing, unless the news came directly from you. But…the day that I received your letter…you know, the one where you told me you were seeing other witches, she overhead Hermione and I talking about it in the kitchen." Harry dropped his head shaking it slightly as he felt his eyes begin to sting with tears.

"Honest mate, I didn't want this kind of thing coming from me. Mione and I…we were just worried about you and the type of women that you've been with." Ron was attempting to tread on the subject as lightly as possible, not really knowing how his friend would react.

"What of them?" he asked, keeping his head down.

"I- well…there's nothing wrong with them. It just seems that most are only looking to shag the Boy-Who-Lived instead of knowing the real you. None of them really know you, except…" Ron's voice trailed off.

"…Except for Ginny," Harry said, looking up at Ron with regretful eyes. "I know. Ron, what am I going to do?"

"I don't think there's much you can do now, Harry. I'm afraid you're too late."

"I know I am," he whispered with his voice full of remorse.

"I wish that things had worked out differently for the two of you…but Harry, you didn't see her when we realized she'd found out about you. If we hadn't been at The Burrow when she found out, I don't know what she would've done. It was beyond painful for her. I swear, she wasn't breathing for a few moments; she just sort of stood there frozen in shock. Hermione decided to stay with her that night to make sure that she didn't do something stupid like Obliviate her mind." Ron heard him curse under his breath and spoke softly, "It was bad, Harry."

"What have I done?" Harry muttered to himself. "God, I am such an arse. I- I just tried to get her back. I tried to tell her that he couldn't love her…like I did. I even told her that I wouldn't believe her unless she told me that she didn't need me."

"Bloody hell," Ron groaned. Without warning, he soundly planted a hard punch to Harry's arm. "What in Merlin's name is the matter with you? How dare you make her say that!"

He rubbed his arm, hissing, "_I know!_ I couldn't believe my own voice when it left my lips. I didn't mean to, but…I couldn't let her go…I can't-" Harry had continued until Eric's voice broke through all conversation in the room.

"Ladies and Gentlemen…I know that we're all here for another celebration—please pardon my brief intrusion, Harry--but I have an announcement to make." Harry, who was busy glaring daggers at the young man who was speaking, took notice of the small-framed, ginger-haired witch that was tugging on his arm, seemingly begging him to stop speaking. Clearly, he was embarrassing her but Eric did nothing but smile and chuckle, starting again.

"I have just asked this beautiful woman, Miss Ginny Weasley…" at this she stopped protesting him and hung her head, "…to marry me."

Harry could do nothing but stare at her, looking as if his heart had now been officially ripped out of his chest.

"And…I'm proud to say," Eric continued, "that she said yes!"

As the surrounding crowd erupted in cheers, Ginny's gaze drifted up, meeting Harry's. He didn't find the happiness in her eyes as he would have expected to see, not even contentment. Instead, he found his very same emotions reflected in her.


	3. The Beginning of the End

**_"Letters" _**

**_Chapter Three: The Beginning of the End_**

**Two Nights Later**

"I don't care if he is the _sodding_ Savior of the wizarding world. He's a rotten, lousy piss-head," Eric said angrily.

"Eric! Don't say that. He's a good man, he just…got a little tanked up, that's all," Ginny said as she removed her cloak and hung it up in her wardrobe.

"And _that,_" he sneered, pointing at her. "I can't believe that you're defending him!"

She furrowed her brow at him, "I'm not…not really. I'm just telling you that he doesn't usually drink so much. At least, he didn't used to."

"Well, apparently he does now," Eric said as he paced around her room. "I swear Ginny; I would've punched his lights out if you hadn't pulled me away."

"Which is exactly why I did," she added. "I didn't want either one of you regretting anything more in the morning than you already will be."

"I wouldn't have _had_ to do anything if he hadn't started in on you. Honestly, I hear he's gone out with loads of witches. Why doesn't he feel the need to hit on them rather than you?"

"You know he didn't mean anything by it," Ginny said as she crossed the room, stopping to pat his arm gently.

"No, I quite think he did. He so much as told you, loud enough for all of us to hear, that you should come back to him because I… 'certainly am not the kind of man that you need'," Eric mocked.

She sighed, giving up her attempts to convince him otherwise. "Okay, fine. He was very drunk and way out of line, but just cut him a little slack, will you? He's just trying to find out where he fits in to everyone's lives now. Harry's been gone for so long, it's going to take time for him to adjust to…everything."

"I _wouldn't_ have had a hard time cutting him any slack…but when my fiancé's old flame kisses her, in front of the man she's going to marry, it makes things a bit more difficult," he raged.

"Eric, please…" Ginny said weakly, "I really don't want to have any more rows tonight and I don't know what else to say to make things better."

"It's just that," his frustrations were getting the better of him, "when he kissed you…it was more than a few seconds before you pulled away." Eric had tried not to show too much concern over this, but it seemed the more he tried to push it away the more the image of them kissing ate away at him.

She looked at him disbelievingly. "You know it takes more than a second for _anyone_ to wake from the shock of being kissed and actually realize what's going on."

"It just seemed like you were…"

"Were what Eric?" Ginny pushed.

"…It seemed like you were kissing him back, at first."

"WHAT! You've got to be kidding me! What kind of person do you take me for, Eric? I'm no scarlet woman," she said as she backed away from him and folded her arms across her chest.

"I …I didn't mean to imply that," his voice only calming slightly as he waved his arms about in the air. "I don't know what I was thinking. There was just that tiny moment that I thought, '_Shite. What if she does still want him?'_"

"Do I make you question my feelings for you?" she asked, dropping her hands to her side and taking a few slow steps in his direction.

"N-no, I just…" he sighed, "I feel like I'm competing against him for your love and I'm playing a losing game." She knew it took a lot for him to admit that as he continued to hold her gaze. "Do you _really_ love me? Are you quite sure that you want to marry my jealous arse?"

Ginny took another small step bringing her closer to him, letting a sad smile play at the corners of her lips. There was no doubt that she loved Eric; she wouldn't have been with him if she didn't. But despite her attempts to force Harry's memory out of her mind, she couldn't. She had never been able to really push him away. Thoughts of Harry began to flood her mind as she remembered their conversation a few nights ago. She'd been far stronger than she ever would have imagined, but it killed her…lying to him, telling him that she didn't love him anymore.

It all proved to be too overwhelming for her and she sucked in a deep breath, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind as she focused on Eric. His eyes were carefully studying her as she finally closed the gap between the two of them and reached up to hold his face. Before saying a word, she kissed him, sweetly at first and then she lost herself in the new intensity.

A few moments later, once their need for air pierced through their lungs, they parted slowly. Eric could barely move after their earth shattering kiss and Ginny seemed vaguely aware that he'd muttered, "Wow."

"No one will ever replace you in my life," she said as he reached out, letting his thumb trace over her cheek. Ginny closed her eyes, relishing in the feel of his rough hands on her soft skin as she breathed in the familiar heady scent of wood and wind. "I love you, Harry."

Eric's thumb stopped moving and his whole body stiffened as she opened her eyes to see him.

"_What_ did you say?" he frowned at her.

She blinked in confusion, "I said, 'I love you, Eric'."

"No, you didn't," he said sharply, withdrawing his hand.

"Yes, I did," Ginny chuckled lightly. "Don't be silly."

He had already begun backing away from her and she knew something was wrong. Looking at his tense face, she saw that his jaw squared off as he restrained his voice through gritted teeth.

"You just said 'I love you, _Harry_'."

"What! No, I didn't." _Surely I didn't,_ she thought in disbelief.

Suddenly, Eric completely understood everything. She'd been extremely temperamental over the past few days, ever since—_that's it, ever since Harry had come back_. Eric couldn't believe his stupidity. How could he have been so blind? Ginny hadn't been her calm and collected self the entire time. She'd become off kilter.

Then it hit him; something must've happened the night that they had the welcome home party for Harry. He remembered that she hadn't been in her normally playful mood and if he recalled correctly, he'd only seen her smile a few times. That's when Eric remembered that she'd been talking to Harry that night, the night that he'd _proposed_ to her.

"No," he murmured to himself. She'd said yes so quickly when he asked her that he didn't think anything of it. Eric closed his eyes, sighing as his heart broke even more—_Tears had been in her eyes the entire time, but… She had been crying before I even pulled her away from the crowd for our more private conversation._

"Eric?" Ginny whispered gently.

"You…you still love him…don't you?" he said, snapping out of his thoughts.

"Eric, I told you…Harry and I were over a long time ago."

"That doesn't answer my question, Ginny." Eric huffed as she watched his breathing become heavy and his face change to a fierce look, as if it was set in stone. "Do you still love him?"

Ginny flinched at the sound of his voice. It had suddenly become harsh and brazen. She had remained silent for far longer than his temper was allowing because she could tell his patience was running very thin. He began to pace around her room, waiting for her answer and she'd never been so happy that the house was empty because she didn't want to hear anything from her family after what she knew was about to happen.

"Answer me!" Eric growled. Her head snapped quickly in his direction, shocked at the tone that he was suddenly taking with her. But Ginny wasn't a fool; she wouldn't stand there and be treated in any less way than civil.

"_I don't know_! I'm not sure _how_ I feel," she answered him just as sharply.

"Well…obviously you still have some sort of feelings for that self-consumed tit-head or you wouldn't be so unsure about how you feel." He was acting like a prat now and Ginny didn't know what to think anymore.

"I will not have this discussion with you acting like an arrogant arse," she said matter-of-factly. "Even though Harry and I are no longer in a relationship together, he is still a good friend of mine…and I will not have you talk about him that way."

Eric's nose flared as he tried to calm his heavy breaths. "Unless you tell me that you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, don't love him…that you don't have feelings for him, then…I'm leaving and I'm not coming back."

Ginny's mouth gaped open in disbelief, "You're giving me an _ultimatum_?" She had never seen him act like this before. He'd never once treated her unkindly nor did he force her to make any decision hastily. Eric didn't even seem like the same person that she knew a mere hour ago. But if this was the kind of person that he was going to be, she didn't want to be near him, much less married to him.

Ginny didn't even wait for him to give her an answer. "You know what? Fine, I admit it. I still have feelings for him. What those feelings are, I haven't the foggiest, but it doesn't matter anyway." She paused with tears of anger welling up in her eyes. "After tonight, I'm not so sure about _us_."

She had never seen such a look of disgust on his face as she now saw before her.

"Of course," he sneered. "Obviously you'd pick him."

"I didn't say that I was picking anyone. I just said that I wasn't sure about us," she stated, eyeing him skeptically. "I don't know that we are going to work out, not when you force me to choose a life without either him or you…and especially not after acting the way that you just have."

"I can tell you've made your decision. It appears that I was only ever a rebound to you from the start," he said spitefully, angering her even more. "Evidently, you'd rather be one of his tarts than to be married to me."

That was the last straw. Ginny had never been so astonished to hear someone degrade her. Before she could even fully comprehend her thoughts, she'd already brandished her wand and hit him with an extremely powerful Bat-Bogey Hex.

"AHH!" Eric yelled, falling to the floor and clawing at his face. "Damnit, Ginny! Get these bloody things off of me!" To his dismay, she didn't move an inch to help him.

"No," she huffed, folding her arms as she watched him flail about.

After almost ten minutes, he finally pulled himself off of the floor, stumbling about the place before eventually looking back at her. Ginny didn't know what he'd expected to see, but her gaze on him was full of contempt and rage.

"Get out," came her fierce voice. She knew that he probably couldn't move for fear that she would hex him again and at this point, she didn't care if she was taken to Azkaban for cursing his bits. "Get. Out. …_NOW_!" she yelled as Eric found his courage and flung the door open. He flew down the stairs and slammed the door, disappearing from the house.

Ginny chuckled to herself for a moment, amused by her latest feat until apprehension sank in. Over the past two days she'd not only driven away the man that she thought she'd loved but also realized, only too late, that she might still love Harry.

_Oh God, do I still love him?_ she thought as tears began to stream down her face. Tonight would be another night that she cried herself to sleep, she just knew it. Why did she always do this to herself? During those four years that she waited for Harry, she cried nearly every night until she fell asleep, but after that, there was Eric. Yes, there were a few times during the first couple of months that she cried because she felt as if she was betraying Harry's love, but what did he call himself doing? If anything, he'd been the one that let her down.

Ginny wiped the tears away roughly and briefly thought about Flooing Hermione, but she was probably just getting back to her flat, letting a very drunk Ron crash at her place.

With the option of talking to Hermione out, she cursed and stomped out of her room heading toward the kitchen.

She may not have had anything other than Butterbeer earlier tonight, but right now called for something stronger. Nothing other than Firewhisky would be able to drive the thoughts of Harry's lips on hers out of her mind.

Ginny grabbed the bottle and walked into the sitting room, falling onto the sofa. She raised it to her lips taking a quick swig of the Firewhisky, shuddering briefly from the initial taste.

"Sodding memories," she sniffed as the thoughts of Harry refused to go away. This is what had messed things up with Eric, remembering Harry's gentle touch as he traced her jaw, tickling her neck lightly as he ran his fingers across it before they began to dance over her creamy white shoulders.

She shook her head, trying to focus again. At first, Ginny felt guilty for still feeling something for Harry but had she not slipped, she never would've seen Eric for who he really is and would've ended up marrying someone that she wasn't meant to be with.

But who was she meant to be with? She'd thought, at one time, that the answer to that question was Harry but that was no longer the case. He was dating other people now, moving on with his life. _But then, _she thought_, why would he have asked to have me back?_

It was all too much for Ginny to think about right now. All she wanted to know was Firewhisky, sleep, and….her hands running down his arms, feeling every muscle twist and pull as his soft lips crashed upon hers. She sighed deeply letting the memories overcome her; there was no point fighting them anymore. Tonight, she would allow them swim through her head, but tomorrow…tomorrow would be just another day to ignore what her heart really wanted.

She lifted the bottle to her lips again, almost dropping as she heard a loud crash in the kitchen.

"Shite," came a quiet, slurred voice. Ginny stood up and walked around the corner, expecting to see that Hermione had kicked Ron out of her flat and sent him back here. Instead, the raven-haired man with emerald eyes looked up at her through his drunken stupor and whispered, "Gin."

_Merlin, he will be the death of me,_ she thought as he tripped over another chair.

"Who keeps putting these chairs in the way?" he asked, stumbling around the table.

She sighed, "Harry, what are you doing here? You should be at home."

"I am at home," he said reaching out to her.

Ginny closed her eyes feeling the pain wrench at her heart, "No, you're not. You're at the Burrow. Your home is Grimmauld Place…at least it is for now."

"No," he said, trying to gather a lucid thought. His voice slurred again, "Home…home is…with you."

She swore under her breath, silently cursing his name for what he was putting her through. All she wanted to be doing right now was enjoying her Firewhisky in the sitting room, drowning the memory of him. Instead, she was standing in kitchen, listening to his drunken self claim that his home was with her.

"Harry, you're drunk. You don't know what you're talking about. Here," she said pushing him into the nearest chair. "Let me make you a potion to help you sober up a bit." Ginny moved over to the counter, immediately gathering a few ingredients from the nearby cupboard.

"I'm not d-drunk," he continued protesting as she quickly began mixing the potion. The sooner she could finish making it, the sooner she would be able to send him back to number twelve Grimmauld Place, where he belonged.

"Tha' boyfriend of yours sure 'ad a lot of nerve tonight." Harry could hardly keep a coherent sentence together as he watched the red-haired witch working busily.

"Don't start, Harry. I don't want to talk about anything that happened earlier this evening. I'm not in the mood for it."

"Oh come'on, you can't blame me for wha 'appened. Certainly no't with the way 'e talked to you. S'not right for 'im to treat you like tha'."

Ginny rubbed her forehead, trying to chase away the headache that she was quickly getting. "Stop it, Harry. You don't know what you're talking about. He didn't say anything wrong."

"Like bloody 'ell, 'e did. Ordering you 'round. Tellin' you wha' to do and no't to do. Sodding arse, 'e is." Harry scowled with a disgusted look at the thought of Eric being near _his Gin_. "I would've kicked the piss'ead good if you 'adn't pulled 'im away."

"Stop it. JUST STOP IT!" she shouted as she turned to finally look at him. With tears pooling behind the anger in her eyes, she stared at him with a broken heart. "I don't care what happened between the two of you tonight. But rest assured, you'll be able to sleep easier now, knowing that you don't have to worry about him anymore."

She turned her back to him again, putting the finishing touches on the Sober Up Potion she was making. The room became unusually quiet, more than it had been since Harry had arrived. He'd suddenly become too still for his own good, and she could feel the air grow cold around her.

"What 'appened?" The tone of his voice became sharp and stiff as he tried to push away hazy effects of Firewhisky. She couldn't do anything but shake her head. "Did 'e do somethin' t'you?"

"No. It was nothing. He didn't do anything." Ginny poured the glass full of the thick potion and walked over to him, placing it on the table. "Here, drink this." Harry reached out to take the glass from her, brushing his fingers against hers. The soft touch was enough to waves of emotion through both of them.

"You're beautiful, Gin…" he sighed as his eyes met hers. She flinched at his words and pulled her hand away quickly.

"And you're drunk. Now, drink the potion and be on your way." She walked back into the sitting room, desperately wanting to have another sip of Firewhisky.

"'Ey! Where ah' you goin'?" he called out to her as she rounded the corner without the slightest glance back.

Ginny felt sick to her stomach as she sank back onto the sofa. She reached for the bottle of Firewhishkey, raising it to her lips again until she caught its strong smell and quickly sat it back on the table. There was no use; she wouldn't be able to drink the hurt away tonight. She, instead, drew her legs in front of her, pulling them tightly against her small frame. Resting her arms on her knees, she dropped her head, completely frustrated with her life. Not a single moment of it had ever seemed easy.

It was a good quarter hour later before she finally heard Harry stirring about.

_Please let him go home,_ she thought with her head still in her arms. _Please._

"Gin…" she could tell he was standing in the doorway. Obviously he was starting to feel more like himself now, since the potion helped to sober him up. "I wish you'd tell me what happened."

"I told you, nothing happened," she mumbled, not moving an inch.

"I've known you for far too long, Red. You're lying."

"So what if I am?" she finally looked up at him. "Frankly, I really don't care to talk to you about anything in my life." He seemed unable to do anything but stare at her, completely affronted, as she huffed with amusement at her statement.

"You used to want to talk to me," he said with a hushed voice.

Ginny sighed, "Yeah, I used to. That was until you decided not to talk to me for five years." A look of guilt crossed Harry's face as he held his ground. "I can't believe it myself. After five years of wanting nothing more than to talk to you, now that I have the chance, I don't want it anymore."

"Gin, I--"

"No, Harry. I don't want to hear anything. Nothing about your life in America, nothing about the girls you've dated or are dating. Which, I guess, is kind of why I'm surprised to see you here. You could be partying it up with the loads of girls that are always fawning all over you…yet you choose to come chat me up. Well, let me save you the time," she let her feet drop to the floor heavily.

"There's no need for apologies because I don't want to hear them either. What we had has been over with for years, so feel free to walk away without any sense of guilt." Ginny picked up the bottle of Firewhisky and brushed past him harshly without so much as another word. She walked back into the kitchen, placing the bottle back in Ron's secret hiding place.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," he insisted on continuing.

"Save it, Harry. I don't care anymore." She walked past him again to clean up the sitting room. "You know your way out."

She was just about to walk upstairs to her bedroom when he stopped her. "I'm not seeing anyone." She froze with one foot already on the first step and chuckled lightly to herself. _He had to be lying._

"Well, congratulations, Harry. Neither am I."

"What?"

"Never mind…just go." She started up the stairs again.

"Just talk to me…_please_," he begged.

"I tried that before, but you didn't want to listen to me then. What makes you think I'd really believe that you care now?"

"Oh come off it!" Harry was getting frustrated.

"NO!" Ginny shouted as she turned and pushed her way into the sitting room again. "I only ever asked for one letter from you. All I wanted to hear was 'I'm sorry' or 'I love you'. That's it."

"I did write to you," he was quiet as his head fell. She sat down on the sofa, straining her ears to hear what he'd said.

"I've heard enough of your lies, tonight."

"Damnit, Ginny! I'm not lying. That's why I came here after Hermione dropped me off at home…to tell you everything. To tell you that I never dated around at all. I went out with one witch a couple of times but that was it. Even then, I didn't do it because I had feelings for her or because I just wanted to have a good shag. I went out with her because I couldn't get you out of my mind. I only told Ron that I was seeing other women to make him think that I was doing okay." Ginny couldn't move, couldn't say anything as he continued pouring out his soul to her.

"And just because you didn't get an Owl doesn't mean that I didn't write to you…because I did. I wrote to you every day for the first three months that I was gone. After that, I wrote one letter a week. Eventually, I just stopped writing because I knew that I'd never send any of them to you." He waited for her to protest, saying that she didn't believe him, but she didn't. "You can choose not to believe me, if you like…but it won't change the fact that I'm telling you the truth."

Harry reached down and picked up a rather large bundle of letters, tossing them onto the table in front of her. She jumped at the loud thud and watched some of the letters begin to spill out from the loose corners, falling to the floor.

She sat on the sofa in absolute shock as he pulled out a letter from his coat pocket. He moved to stand next to her, slowly opening the letter.

"This letter is the one I wrote to you after I called things off with Amy--she's the witch I was talking about. It's when I realized that I'd been completely blind about everything. But I couldn't…" She could hear the pain in his voice. "How could say anything to you after all that time? After I pushed you away?" The letter fell from his hands, landing on top of the others. She looked at it warily until she heard him sniffle slightly and turn away from her.

"I never hated myself more than I did at that moment…until tonight. Gin, I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe that I'd never want to do that for as I long as I live. I'm arrogant, self-centered, stupid…and I've wasted five years of your life and mine being just that." Ginny picked up the letter as he continued. Reading his words on the parchment seemed like a dream, one that she'd wished would come true so many times.

"I know that saying the words won't make a bit of difference now, but…I am sorry. And even though I have no chance of having you back in my life, you mean more to me than anything in this world." Harry sighed, straightening his coat as he gathered himself. He started walking to the door and turned his head to see her with his letter in her small hands. "I love you."

Turning the doorknob, she stopped him. "Harry!" She was crying now and he could hear it in her voice. "Why?"

He looked back at her with a furrowed brow. He didn't understand what she meant.

"Why didn't you send any of the letters before? You could've."

"I told you; I know you far too well, Red. You would've given that letter one look and taken me back without question." There was a pitying look in his eye as the tears began to illuminate his emerald eyes. "As much as I love you, I couldn't let you to do that. I…I didn't want you to end up with the likes of me. Not a man who's killed someone. You deserve to have someone so much better than me."

_So that's why you pushed me away? _she thought as they both stood there quietly, too afraid of where this conversation would take them.

"As much as I hate to say it, you're better off with someone like Eric instead of me." He was starting to leave again, Ginny noticed. After all this, him finally telling her the truth about everything, she couldn't let him go…not again. She wouldn't lose his love a second time.

"I'm not with Eric anymore!" She said quickly, noticing the look of hope in his eyes as he met her gaze. "I broke things off with him after we came back here, tonight."

"What?"

Her mind argued whether she should tell him the entire truth. "He was still upset about you kissing me, at dinner. I tried to defend you and I thought I'd managed to finally calm him down a bit, but before I knew it, he was making me choose between not having a marriage with him or having a life without your friendship." She frowned and let her gaze fall from his. "He's never done that to me before. Never made me choose how I wanted to live my life…and I didn't like it at all."

Harry didn't like how this sounded and the anger that he had towards Eric earlier came flooding back. "Did he do something to you? …Did he hurt you?"

"No…not physically. But he did have a few choice words for me." She saw the intense flare of energy in his eyes. "He got angry when I told him that I wasn't sure if he and I would be able to continue to have a relationship. That's when he accused me of already choosing you and said that 'I'd rather be one of your tarts' than to be married to him."

"I'll kick his sorry arse!" Harry yelled, ready to storm out of the house and Apparate to Eric's flat.

"There's no need for that! I hit him with a pretty powerful Bat-Bogey Hex when he said that." Ginny let out a small chuckle for the first time in what felt like ages. "It was quite funny, actually."

Relaxing a little, he mumbled, "I'll still kick his arse. He had no right to make you choose a life with or without me."

She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "I- I didn't tell you everything that happened." _Merlin, give me strength._ "The reason he got so upset was because…because I said 'I love you', she began to mumble, 'Harry'."

"I'm sorry…what did you say?"

_Just spit it out,_ she thought. "When I told him that I loved him…" Ginny took a deep breath, "I said your name instead of his."

He couldn't do anything but stand there, too dumbfounded for words. He didn't know what this could possibly mean. _Does she still love me?_

"I…I don't know what's come over me these past few days. I've tried so hard to push the memory of you out of my mind. And I thought I was doing okay, at first, but I couldn't bring myself to stop reading the letters that you would send to Ron. Even after I started dating Eric, you were still there." She let her gaze fall to the letter still in her hands, "When you came back the other day, I was in a terrible state. I thought that I'd finally reached the point where I wouldn't want to think about you anymore…but then, I saw your face. At that moment, it didn't matter how angry I was with you or how long it had been, the memories flooded my mind as if the moments had only been minutes ago." Despite her attempts to hold back the tears, Harry could see them slowly begin to roll down her creamy white cheeks.

"Oh my Gin," he breathed, causing her to inhale deeply.

"As much as I loathe Eric now, what I did to him was horribly wrong of me. To have dated him to forget about you…he was right. I was only using him as a rebound and I denied it. But gods, Harry, when you kissed me tonight, it was as if the world had slipped away, as if it hadn't been five years or even five months since I'd last been with you. It's all I'd wanted for so long, but I was too afraid to admit it. Too afraid to admit that I still loved you, especially knowing that I might never see you again."

Harry took a deep breath to steady himself. Merlin, he'd missed her for so long and seeing her these past few days on someone else's arm, it was sheer torture. But now, things were taking a turn for the better and …_did she say that she still loved me? _

When she finally looked up at him, Ginny saw a familiar intensity in his eyes and it made her heart flutter with both excitement and nervousness. She watched him clear the distance between them in three strides. Reaching his hands up, he cupped her face, pulling her lips to meet his in a searing kiss. She didn't think that she was breathing at first, and she certainly could've sworn that her heart had stopped beating. But she was still alive, and she could very much feel Harry's tongue gently tracing her lips, begging to taste her. Just before she could respond to him, he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Gin. I shouldn't have…I mean, that was wrong of me to…oh gods, I've made a mistake."

"Bloody hell, you will. If you walk out that door, _that's_ the mistake that you'll be making. What just happened was not a mistake. You think I would've let anything happen that I didn't want to?" She pulled his chin up, forcing his emerald eyes to study her chocolate ones. "Now…kiss me again."

He smiled hesitantly for a moment, before an intense look washed over him. This time, he didn't meet her with ferocity. Instead, he let his fingers brush through her hair, falling to her shoulders as they slowly slid down to rest on the small of her back. He pulled her tight against him and she inhaled a sharp breath. She felt as if the air was charged with a beautiful magic and every feeling between the two of them seemed to be intensified. She could feel the strong desire for her pulsing through his body, yet he was restraining himself, moving achingly slow.

She tried to calm herself, not wanting to appear over anxious and certainly not wanting to rush things that had been a long time coming.

This time, his gentle lips met hers, caressing them with tenderness, nearly making her cry at the beauty of his desire. He felt her mouth form a small grin and he teased her bottom lip with his tongue, asking her once more to open herself to him. Without any second thoughts, she opened her mouth as his tongue met hers.

He heard a low moan echo from deep within her and felt her body sigh, resting against his. He wondered if this was all just another dream. It felt too good, too right to be real…but he had to know.

"Gin…" he mumbled against their pressed lips.

"Hmm?" _Don't pull away. Please don't pull away. Bugger, he pulled away._

"I just want you to know," he said, running his thumb across her cheek, "there's nothing I can do that will bring these past five years back to us and I am beyond sorry for that…and for everything else that has happened."

"I know, Harry. I'm sorry too. You're not the only one who's made mistakes here."

"Do you think there might be any chance that I could have you back in my life?"

She gave a small, relieving chuckle. "You think I kissed you like that to say goodbye?" This time, her tiny hand smoothed its way up his broad shoulder, resting on the nape of his neck. Ginny watched him carefully, trying to read the meaning in his eyes.

"I love you, Gin," he answered her unspoken question.

The tears that were falling now were not those of sadness or regret. Instead, they were of happiness and forgiveness. She turned her head, resting her cheek against his chest as she breathed a sigh of silent relief. His familiar heartbeat soothed every feeling of loneliness that she'd had for so many years, bringing a gentle smile to her face.

"I love you, too, Harry."


End file.
